I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
