I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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