My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
