but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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