I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Randomize
