So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
