dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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