I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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