if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
