I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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