my phone cant type all the emotion im having
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
