I am puke
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
