She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
