i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
