What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize