Jerry, you need to find god
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
she told me i tasted like america
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
