Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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