Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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