We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
