she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
