If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
