Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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