The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize