I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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