You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
