just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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