y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
