16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
