You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
