stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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