Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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