Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
