Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
