i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
