Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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