I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
