Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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