what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
