so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
