I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
