i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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