So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
