I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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