I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
