You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize