no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize