then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
