Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
it hurts more in the daytime
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she told me i tasted like america
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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