My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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