You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
