i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
