making cat noises will not fix the situation.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
ttyl tear gas
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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