Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
