and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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