Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize