And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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