Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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