you guys were way drunker than both of me
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
