Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
