My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
