my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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