his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
