went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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