So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
