so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
