If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize