i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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