i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
